Some days I think I'm on top of it and others I really don't

[Ceriane]

I pretty much thought I was over all of this OCD rubbish, as I have had good long periods of being absolutely fine, where I don't even think about it. I used to suffer from really bad anxiety and panic attacks and I also had intrusive thoughts. Now the intrusive thoughts don't bother me at all and I don't live in fear of them coming back either as I know intrusive thoughts are just anxiety thoughts and I'm not scared of them - I found when I lost the fear of them, I started to get less of them.

What I'm getting now though is a lot of social anxiety. I've always been painfully shy, but it seems to be affecting me more recently at work (I'm on a new department). What I'm also getting is - not so much intrusive thoughts, but like depressing ruminations where I'll think and think and think and think and try to puzzle stuff out. Sometimes it feels as though my entire life goes on in my head and the years slide away. I'm sick of being known as "too quiet" because I'm either incredibly shy or lost in my own world. Does anyone elses affect them where they become really quiet? In other situations where I feel confident and comfortable I can be quite chatty and friendly, quite bright and full of ideas etc. The person I portray at work, is nothing like the real me. It's so frustrating. Maybe this will pass, maybe it's just cos I'm new to it. But I have struggled with this on and off for YEARS!

I have fallen behind in "what a normal person would have achieved by my age" if that makes any sense, partly because I had a very long physical illness and partly cos of all this OCD/anxiety/depression that seemed to coincide with it. The more this goes on, the older I get and the more life passes me by, and the more that happens the more anxious and obsessive I get about figuring myself out. Anyone else get this?

[jaruro1]

Yeah, I used to think that I was the only one who got overly complicated about everything to the point that it got so confusing that I didn't even know what was going on anymore, but I think we're all alike in that regard. As far as OCD is concerned, I had it for two years followed by a period of being extremely sensitive to what other people thought about me. I know how you feel though; I felt like I lost two years of my life that I could have spent to achieve certain things that I "should've" achieved, but instead wasted all my time on the OCD.

[Ceriane]

Thanks Jaruro1. It's horrible. I worry that people think I'm thick, and that they talk down to me - I'm not sure how true this is or how much is me being hypersensitive. I find it very difficult to pull myself out of all of my overthinking about all sorts of issues. I don't want to waste any more of my life!