Obsessed with the word suicide.

[mombert]

This is my first time to this forum which seems quite informative and interesting for people that have similar symptoms and need relief of familarity. Going back to me being a child I remember making myself believe that I did things that I did not do: Put the cat in the microwave, I was dying of aids and I made other people sick, I stole someone's car and ditched it, etc. Going through high school and my college years my thought's did not work in this manner. Now I have always been obsessive about things and this has always been a part of my psyche. It worked for me in my 20's due to me being very creative. Once I hit my mid 20's I started drinking and popping pills heavily. Once I hit thirty I was a coke head, alcoholic living in Brooklyn barley functioning due to the drug use. One day I just hit the wall with all sorts of intrusive thinking about jumping in front of a train in NYC, to the thought that I was dying which I probley was to many audio and visual hallucinations. I thought that I really hit the wall and I realized that I needed to make a life change. So I quit my job and moved out of the city back to update NY where I changed my diet, exercise got put on Wellbutrin 300XL and had therapy for two years. No intrusive thoughts. Just starting last January of 2009 I started to get intrusive thoughts of: fear of knives, fear that I would use them to hurt someone else, images of people's throat's being cut, my own, images of my arm being cut, thoughts of hurting the cat and many others. These thoughts would be on my mind for the next six months getting worse and worse to the point I could not function. At this time I had my medication changed to Wellbutrin 450xl and Abilify 6mg. I felt like I was crawling out my skin and that I was loosing my mind. Finally in late March I snapped!! I thought that it was the Abilify that was creating the problem then the Wellbutrin, both of the doses were eliminated or reduced. I was even worse off not knowing what to do, so my Psych told me to go to the Mental ER?? Thanks for the help with a Xanax or a prescription change. So I went making me feel even crazier. Left that night, then taking two weeks off from work for rest from the situation. Great timing I'm crazy and I lost my job, looking back it was the best thing that happened to me! Got a new Psych doc and she has got me up to Wellbutrin 150xl, Lexapro 20mg, Geodon 60mg and some ativan.
Six or seven months have passed and I'm making great progress: Working, living life without much social fear, etc. Since this Phobia of Pure O is all based on stress I still get some intrusive thinking. For a while all I would have in the back of my mind is the thought of my neck being cut or my arm. Recently with a med change from Risperdal to Geodon I started to get intrusive thoughts of the word "Suicide" I don't want to do anything like that it's just pesky thought that pops into my mind when I wake up or through out the day. What is the best way to get this thought out of my head? If I can get this thought out of my head most of my intrusive thinking would be passed.

[Zorro]

http://www.ocdonline.com/articlesphillipson.php

Originally Posted by mombert

I started to get intrusive thoughts of the word "Suicide" I don't want to do anything like that it's just pesky thought that pops into my mind when I wake up or through out the day. What is the best way to get this thought out of my head? If I can get this thought out of my head most of my intrusive thinking would be passed.

Hi mombert. Good job for making progress.

The best way for you to try and get the word suicide out of your head is to not try and get it out of your head. It's a case of resistance resulting in persistence.

I too used to have a fear of suicide. Seeing the word triggered thoughts. But you gotta show yourself that there is nothing to fear. Expose yourself to the word.


Have you ever seen the following article? Have a read of some of the suggested techniques at the end of it Hope it helps. http://www.ocdonline.com/Rethinkingtheunthinkable.php

yea. just think of the word a lot and become desensitized, write it down or even make it silly.

write, suicide (the death one), soo-ey side(the soo-ey jumping side of the jetty), sue inside(watch out sue is in your head!), soo-ey slide(thats like a twist jump umm down a water slide?), err soupy side? (someone spilled soup on the side of the table, making it the soupy side)

so when u wake up thinking of the word suicide, you can think 'the left side of the jetty is the soo-ey side) or, 'oh im feeling a bit feminine today, that must be the sue-ey side of me coming out'

stupid, i know, but also distracting and makes it harder to remember the real meaning of the word.

just word games

[paradoxer]

'What is the best way to get this thought out of my head? If I can get this thought out of my head most of my intrusive thinking would be passed.'
In answer to your question - the best way is to accept the thought. Re the statement - if it wasn't this thought it would be another.