Compulsively apologizing?

[AJhasROCD]

Hey guys,

I have relationship OCD and I constantly worry that I am going to do something wrong to mess up my relationship with my boyfriend. I worry about cheating (if I have, am or will). I know I won't but I just always worry something bad is going to happen and I am going to lose him.

Whenever we have some type of argument I just go crazy. After we apologize to each other he says "ok, now let's move on". I can't. I constantly dwell on our fight over and over. I apologize to him over and over and over again until he starts to get mad. I always think he is going to break up with me or now he thinks of me differently. Like, "now he SEES who I really am and I am a horrible person because of this fight". I don't know why I do this. I feel like my constant apologizing is sort of like when I seek reassurance and I am trying to get that " just right" feeling. I really want to change this and be able to move past our arguments like he can. I don't know how to go about it. Is this part of OCD or is it something different?

Thanks,
Amanda

[lightbulbsun]

I have the same problem, but to a different extent. I would freak out after fights, I would cry and cry and apologize over and over. I would keep bringing up the fight for reassurance, because I would be so scared he would leave. I think it's your OCD. They call it the "doubting disease," it will try to make you doubt a lot of things.

Does your boyfriend know you have OCD? If it becomes a big problem maybe try to be honest with him and tell him you don't mean to but you just feel like you have to apologize over and over..? With me whenever I was open about my problem with my boyfriend it was easier to move past arguments. Or maybe some form of therapy? There is even therapy you can do yourself, with OCD books or OCD therapy websites to guide you.

Hope this somewhat helps, and maybe other people will post useful replies as well. Best of luck

[Kwadrant]

I have apology compulsions as well. No matter how many times I say I'm sorry, I still feel the person doesn't realize just how sorry I am. This is something I'm working on in therapy and I'm realizing that those without ocd really do accept the apology the first time. Hang in there. :-)

[Cortlea]

Hey girl, as you know I have the SAME EXACT obsessions as you, and i do the apologizing thing too, just not as much as you seem to. Instead, since i feel like he is on the brink of leaving at all times (even tho he isnt) I always say, are you going to leave me one day? you wanna break up dont you? do you really love me? do you want to be with someone else? Also when my boyfriend and I joke around and its a mean joke just to poke fun I have to get him to swear to God that he was kidding. EVERY TIME. This gets on his nerves. And also If i make jokes to him, the second after im like, im just kidding honey. which ruins the humor anyways. It sucks having relationship ocd. Are you still having problems with the same obsession we talked about? I actually moved past the one I was having with the vivid image, but the thoughts of what if i have cheated with this or that person are still there. Only they are getting worse, like instead of worrying if i have kissed someone else its sex. Which i know isnt true. Neither are true, and I would remember both if they happened. But since I have ocd my mind tells me the thoughts I have are actual memories and not ocd, which drives me crazy. I can tell the difference from my ocd thoughts and actual thoughts which is a great point to reach in getting better, but even tho i can tell. This is the doubting disease, so It doesnt really matter, I still doubt myself. But relationship ocd comes in many colors, and like me, it wasnt always relationship ocd. So I believe you are suffering from the responsibility ocd. Which is no matter what, u feel like u have to apologize. I do this too. I feel like a door mat ):